Life transformation and lifestyle design evoke different feelings to different people. These phrases connect well with people who have a certain level of understanding of where they are coming from and where they are headed. To the others, they connote some high-energy, far-fetched propositions. There is the association of deep pockets or heavy hitting to them. However, the destination is virtually the same.
Have you met anyone in his/her right mind who hates success? I imagine that would be difficult, isn’t it? In my previous articles “It’s Your Life” and “Thinking For A Change”, we laid some foundation for approaching a life change. These are available at the click of a button if you need to review them. Going forward however, let us examine some particular symptoms and outcomes that are clearly unproductive and what you can do about them with the aid of 3 powerful thought influencers:
1. WHY ARE THE SAME PATTERNS SHOWING UP IN KEY AREAS OF MY LIFE?
When you see a pattern running through outcomes, positive or negative, there’s definitely some form of subconscious programming to deal with. It’s when things we don’t want show up that we ought to get worried. Do you happen to notice some of these in your life?
– Your romantic or business partners appear to be the same people in different bodies?
– You are on four, five projects simultaneously, none of which gets completed?
– The feedbacks from friends and family members about your character or conduct, otherwise known as perception, appears the same while you continue to literally “fight” them for it?
– The outcomes of your efforts end up disappointingly short or at about the same miserable levels all the time?
This is an indication that you have a pattern of beliefs, thinking, speaking, feeling and acting that must be addressed.
Some of these are acquired from way back through interaction with family, friends, schools and the media. I have a friend who jumps from one relationship to the other with the same complaints. If they are not nagging, they are selfish. Then I asked him to notice in what ways he is showing up as “needy” or demanding acknowledgment for what otherwise should be a given. He got the message and he’s now working on it. Sometimes, a relationship gone sour does not necessarily require an escape. A change of behavior might be all that’s required. This is even more so when you consider that the same energy, attitude and vibrations are what hang with you onto the next relationship; and the next and so on. That’s how we run rings around ourselves!
How much do you truly love yourself? Can you really give what you don’t have? Your partner can only respond to the kind of vibration you shoot out. If you have a low self-esteem, you can only attract people who treat you as such. Define who you truly wish to be and you will find yourself attractive to those who resonate with that state of being. It’s that simple. If you are a likeable person, it will be impossible to accommodate someone who’s bitchy because you’ll be unequally yoked. You see, whatever you feel strongly opposed to is an indication of what you need to overcome or you feel is absent in your life. It’s often a mirror-reflection who you are. Watch it!
Perception, they say, is reality. I have come to realize the truth in this statement. What we do usually is contest it or even live in denial. Nah, that’s not me? That’s your opinion? ….stuff like that. Because our ego is always there to protect us, good or bad, we strongly resist anything that runs contrary to how we see ourselves. Why is it difficult to stay in inquiry about contrary opinions? What value does it have to continue to appear to others in unhelpful ways especially when the results so derived are not acceptable or desirable? I know for a fact that however my friends perceive me is a reflection of how they feel about me. I have a choice of taking the feedback as a tool to re-examine how I’m showing up and rebrand myself or not. Even if I feel there’s a mistake somewhere, maybe I was in a stupid mood when I transmitted the wrong vibes, it’s still up to me to put things right. The secret is in taking responsibility for everything that happens to you. If, according to experts, 85% of success is tied to the quality of your relationships, you had better pay attention to how you show up to others because you will need them either as clients, collaborators, cheer leaders, support system or sounding boards. In any case, running a ring around your life in ways you really don’t like is a sign that you need to re-design your path to success. To live a life of success and significance, it is important to dismantle habits that are incongruent with your desired goals. That is one area where PPLD can be of help….lol!
2. THE ENVIRONMENT IS A BIG HANDICAP?
If you live on this planet, then you must expect your environment to affect you in some way. It doesn’t matter where you are located. I have an American friend and partner who recently described my people as generally warm but still exist with strong boundaries that tend to discourage collaboration. When she visited in May, she discovered that systems are generally missing while the people remain dangerously tolerant of BS. Do I agree with her? Yes, she was spot on. So what are consequences of these on the road to success if you exist in this environment?
I came to realize that we create our reality. How? It’s located in the paradigms guiding the way we see life. Up till 2006, I was in the “complainants” group. Nothing is working. The government is not helpful. Everybody is unhappy. The economy sucks. Employees are indolent and unfaithful. It’s difficult to achieve one’s dream. Have these issues disappeared? Hell, no. What has changed is the way I’ve come to respond to the vibes coming from the environment. Who’s going to change things for us? It’s the same “us”. Who created these mess? It’s still the same “us”, either as leaders or as willing captives. I simply decided to shift from “it’s their fault” to “I’m part of the problem”. I decided to take one of the numerous problems and together with other collaborators, design a solution plan to execute. What’s stopping you from picking something that’s not working to fix? PPLD is a product of seeing and acting differently. We are determined to change the course of “anyhow living” to “deliberate creation” of dream lifestyles. Has it been easy? Of course not! In any case, which is better? Remaining in the environment where we are all complaining or doing something about it?
People who complain about the environment where things are run down have the potential of being wealthy if only they shift the way they see things. Now I shudder at the thought of having been calling myself a business man all these years when all I did was complain that things weren’t working while money was waiting to be made. And there are loads of people in this mold all over the place, frustrated and disenchanted, waiting for miracles to happen. In an era where everyone is advocating less government and more private sector initiatives, isn’t it a perfect setting for anyone hoping to become self-employed to just pick up one single problem to fix? One of the tragedies of mankind is having eyes and not seeing. Look into yourself, discover that talent you’re endowed with and put it to productive use. It’s there, if only you decide to locate it. The systems aren’t working, find an aspect and make money out of it. There’s always an opportunity to make things faster, better, more attractive, more functional, cheaper or more user-friendly. Do something! Find a space to add some value and you’ll be rewarded. That’s how to rise above the so-called environmental handicaps.
3. WHAT ABOUT THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN?
Someone recently challenged the concept of “the fear of the unknown” in a manner I really liked. His position is that what we fear is leaving our comfort zone and not the unknown. How can you actually fear what you don’t know? Isn’t that gorgeous? The most dangerous place to be is the comfort zone. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’d keep getting what you always have is so true. You know what; a few years back I used to think that everyone should live according to my ideal of what life should be. Every discussion had to end in a resolution acceptable to my understanding. It was either right or wrong. If you belong to that school of thought, then I’ve got news for you. The only friends you’d have are those belonging to your tribe; and only for a while because your huge egos would soon clash irredeemably. Who wants a deeply-opinionated person? Even if the other party is wrong, in what way are you making him/her come to your side, convinced about your position?
Now, I’d rather be happy than be right. Does it mean I accept anything that comes my way? Of course, not! I simply choose to let everyone live according to their ideals of how things show up for them. We all are at different points on the enlightenment scale per time. If I’m in a position to produce a superior argument, would I have to force anyone to accept my point of view really? Certainly not! These are some of the reasons why we fear leaving our comfort zones.
I have friends who are close to retirement without a clue as to how to navigate the future. They have no knowledge of entrepreneurship and they are not seeking it. They are afraid to ask those who are evidently successful because they fear rejection. If you ask and the answer is no, how does that put you in a worse situation than before? Who says you can’t get a yes answer anyway? What is not known to many is that the successful people are driven by the same ego to promote their own success. The only thing you need is a strategy of connecting with them because they are either busy or suspicious of your motive. Tim Ferris’ “4-hour work-week” is a book I’d recommend if you need some motivation in this regard.
In my opinion, Success is at the intersection of your Values, your Talents and your Dream.
Here’s my recommendation of a process that’s worked for me:
- Discover your Values, what absolutely defines you, because it’s tough to live in integrity outside them
- Find the Talent(s) that God has given you and think of ways they can be used to transform a common problem into a productive solution
- Document your Dream of how you’d impact the world, doing what you love while being paid for it. Visualize it 5, 10, 20 years down the road, exactly how you’d wish things to be in your life. It matters not your current reality. Use your imagination to cause things into existence. Seek help if this appears difficult. Some people already know how – remember fear of rejection? Clarity is essential here.
- Have a comprehensive plan of action, long-term, short-term and ultimately your to-do list will emerge on a daily and weekly basis. Read “Thinking For A Change” for deeper thoughts on this.
- Get to work. Here you need to develop other different faculties; creative thinking, use of emotional guidance system, meditation, visioning, intuition and so on to assist you.
As you proceed, fear will show up. Is it normal? Yes. Must you avoid/reject it? No. Fear is valuable in the sense that it conveys messages with meaning. Are you doing the right thing? Is it achievable? Do you need help form someone who knows how? Is your plan workable or does it require some tweaking? Are you in the wrong place, with wrong people? Do you have enough resources? Are your dreams and plans with the required clarity for anyone to assist, especially in the area of financing? These are some of the benefits fear confers, which if properly interpreted, will add value to your process meaningfully. The antidote to fear is PURPOSEFUL ACTION.
One more thing, you can’t possibly hope to change your position without paying a price. This you must prepare for before the journey to success begins, else fear will overwhelm you.
So, there you have the 3 powerful influencers if you’ve decided it’s time to move in the direction of your dream. I hope you’ll take time to go over this again for deeper understanding and get to work. Success leaves traces. And so does failure!
Let me know if you need some more clarification and I’d be glad to help. And remember to leave your comments in the box below. It’s more enriching to share your findings with us in this community. We all keep learning every day.
To your dream lifestyle!
ps: A goal is a wish without a plan. Why not start today to convert your wish to goals capable of translating you into where you’d wish to be. A journey of 25 years starts with the very first step. Start with what you have, where you are and keep searching for more knowledge. There are so many opportunities and people to help, if only you are prepared and willing to pay the price. I must warn you though, that this is not a microwave process but it’s truly rewarding and can be fun too, if you know the rules. Visit www.ppld.apoti.net for more on how to design and live life on your own terms. It’s not a matter of chance, it’s a decision. Act today!